Homegirl!: The Hearts & Guts Tour, yo

oh dear bloggy, so glad to have you back! mama'll stop watching her stories & sit with you on her porch in the early albamaz sun & we'll watch the little chilluns wait for school buses & we'll watch squirrels drunk on fermented jack o lanterns spin like disco balls.

once the disco balls collapse then mama'll know it's time to go, yo.

two stops coming up on the Hearts & Guts Tour!!

1. 11/11/11 = Fairmont, WV
mama'll be reading excerpts from Homegirl!  at Fairmont State University at 5:30 in the Folklife Center. mama's never been to a Folklife Center before. mama's gonna feel so cultured. word.


2. 11/12/11 = Hudson, NY

From The Outlet:

On Saturday, November 12th, Chloe Caldwell will kick-off the Hudson River Loft Reading Series in her home in Hudson, New York. The reading will feature “Twelve diverse authors” who “will read poetry, essays and excerpts from their books. There will be wine and there will be beer and there will be socializing and there will be books for sale.”

Readers will include: Daniel Nester, Sean H. Doyle, Chloe Caldwell, Stacy Pershall, Danielle Winterton, Ryder Collins, Mira Ptacin, Matthew Savoca, Kendra Grant Malone, and Eric Wybenga.

mama's got problems, but a book ain't one

it was just mama's birthday & mama gots the reading swag, yo.

these are the books/litmags: Gregory Sherl's Heavy Petting, Jenny Boully's Not merely because of the unknown that was stalking toward them, Johannes Goransson's Entrance to a colonial pageant in which we all begin to intricate, David Rose's Vault: An Anti-Novel, Barge Journal (who are the cool eds: Shawn & Justin Maddey and Christine McInnes, and cool layout ed: Hallie Romba), Front & Centre (another cool ed, Matthew Firth), and Thomas Patrick Levy's Please Don't Leave Me Scarlett Johansson.


mama spent the last hours of her 3 day bday festivities in a moonshine bathtub as the party rocked around her and read Barge Journal. it is the good stuffs. it is so full of the good stuffs; it is like the inside of a teddy bear all full of plushy good stuffs. check out Paul Kavanagh's "China," and Zdravka Evtimova's "The Brandy Maker," and Travis Blackenship's "excerpts from They Burn You" and then everything else in this journal cos your eyes will be tired and the moonshine fumes will make you dizzy but you will want to read on all spinning dizzy from the words and the way the words make you feel more alive and tingly than moonshine or sex even.

& mama recuperated with Johannes Goransson's Entrance to a colonial pageant in which we all begin to intricate. & it was like Genet and it was not like Genet and it was like and it was not. it was like toast & it was better than toast, yo. it blew the empire apart. it blew shit up in my heart. read it now.

mama'll be reading the rests soonsoon. glitterjesus & i can't wait, yo.

luvs,
mama

birthday bonuses & breasts, yo

here is a link to breasts courtesy of my sister, yo...

if you thought mama was gonna flash her sisters' titties you got problems.

this is the shit

that i promised you all a while ago: pix & dicks from mama's tour

these photos are all from or on the way away from mama's first stop, yo, in springfield, mo. that first stop was set up courtesy of one Tracey Parker (who has a very cool etsy store, for reals) and one Lil Olive, owner of Good Girl Art Gallery. Here is a photo-journal of it all... (mama hasn't yet taken a pic of the little wooden baby hand with a screw attached that the dentist gave her...mama is not stringing words together here to demonstrate the absurdity of life; this was one of the highlights, yo but it wasn't squalid & it wasn't mama puking in an alley or falling in love & getting her heart busted or someone falling in love with mama & getting his or her heart walked all over with big motherfucking boots or something muchmuch worse, like what happens to Homegirl or Richboy or Punkboy or even the bartender with the birdlike hands...)

glitter jesus showed up for the reading...

mama stayed with tracey parker, aka trailer parker, aka baby, aka little edie 2


here is grey gardens. it is beautiful. mama misses it so:

& the road back to the alabamaz:

& another road shot cos mama heard the road narratives are hot or something

here is some peace and sanctity:

of course, mama grabbed that glitter jesus & mama took that glitter jesus on home, yo that sanctity is a wtf sanctity & why am i here sanctity & existential sanctity...:

& a should glitter jesus read Homegirl! existential sanctity:

& glitter jesus does:

& glitter jesus continues to readeth:

the end:

 yours,
ryder

fetishes yo

hey peeps. i know i promised the book tour bloggy post but mama's been sidetracked by the Occupy & wishing she were there & fantasizing about running from the law with a balaclavaed anarchist & then he & mama lose the nightstick waving nypd & then we're in an alley & the alley has a chainlink fence & mama doesn't have to tell you what'll be going on up against that chainlink fence...

mama thinks one of her fetishes might be balaclavaed anarchists. they pop up in all her stories & even her novel. she has balaclavaed babies running & smashing & laughing in her dreams & up at Abjective (rip dear litmag) & soon to be in barge.

another might be garage doors. or chainlink fences.

mama's not gonna go all deep on her fetishes tho, like remittance girl's deep & insightful post. remittance girl is a writer of the erotic & she thinks hard & long about this stuff. she writes about the fuckings while mama writes about the fucked-up.

if you know mama or if you've read Homegirl!, you know that's not completely true, either...

mama's friends w remittance girl on the tweets & mama really admires rg's post, yo. mama's also friends w other writers & one of them twitted about how if you're a writer you shouldn't front about the alcohols, that drinking does not make you cool...

mama's afraid she fetishizes the alcohols. she's always telling you to get her a highball. she's drinking a manhattan right now. she loved bukowski when she was twenty. she loved mickey rourke for barfly. & she still loves barfly. sometimes for fun she runs through cornfields & steals the green corns. sometimes for fun she reads highball recipes on the interwebs. she's codenamed every one of her exes for some kind of highball.

the last one was the salty dog & the one before the dark & stormy.

now mama's getting all racisty.

boo.

but the one she'll always love is buck's fizz.

mama has no idea what that means & mama can also get behind others' fetishes sometimes. even when she doesn't get them. glitter, for instance.

or glitter jesus.

mama was gonna inventory the reoccurring tropey fetish things from her writings but this manhattan's her second & now all mama can think about is the anarchist & the chainlink fence & mama's got his balaclava off & he's doing things to mama that are better without the balaclava...

unless you gots a wool fetish.

& mama'll leave you with this, yo.

yours,
ryder

Book tour stop numero one

yo.

mama just had her first book tour stop.

mama'll get back to you tomorrow with highlights & pix cos she is still reveling in the weird awesomenesses of it.

yours,
ryder

Call me on my bullshit

cos mama knows she gots it. everybody gots the bullshit. so if you think mama needs to be called on it, then go for it.

& then mama'll say, heard.

& then mama might change.

& that's what the US needs to do now. & that's what all the complacent peoples who think, yes, I understand why the 99% are insecure or upset but I've gots a job & I'm healthy & I gots no worries & I'm a productive member of society, unlike those other peoples...

you could lose your job, just like that

you could get sick

you could

mama's thinking about leaving her sunny porch in the bamaz. mama's thinking.

& those of you who are saying America's too stupid to get it. Well, if they only get fed one perspective then they're not stupid, yo...

this is a picture of some of the 700+ peoples trapped on the Brooklyn Bridge today:

this is a pic of a young girl arrested on the bridge today:

which one might scare grandpa & grandma, & which pic do you think yahoo ran today?

yours,
mama