Testing, or "more news from nowhere"

99.999993% guaranteed to make you feel smarter*

1. Everything Ryder's published and written:

a. all of it is true
b. none of it is true
c. a & b & d
d. c
e. is under the influence


2. Ryder Collins wants you

a. period

b. to worship her
c. to publish her
d. to perform your civic duties

e. to pick her up in a 70s muscle car & take her to a dive bar



3. Security question she doesn't remember the answer to

a. favorite author
b. favorite cartoon character
c. favorite drunk author
d. favorite flower
e. name of grade school


4. Author she'd want with her in a barfight          

a. Palahniuk
b. Bukowski
c. Hemingway
d. Wilde
e. Cave


5. What Ryder does when her work's rejected:

a. picks up strange men in bars and gets them to steal for her
b. sits on her Alabamy porch with a shotgun and moonshine
c. sits at a bar and steals shotguns and strange men
d. sits on strange porches and picks up normal men
e. pisses on the editor's porch a la Berryman

6. What she does when her work's accepted

a. picks up strange men in bars and gets them to steal for her
b. sits on her Alabamy porch with a shotgun and moonshine
c. sits at a bar and steals shotguns and strange men
d. sits on strange porches and picks up normal men
e. pisses on the editor's porch a la Berryman


7. Favorite saying:

a. all my bitches live in Texas
b. go ahead, fireworks
c. she doesn't have one because
         1. sayings cheapen words and turns them into cliches
         2. she doesn't have just one; she scours Urban Dictionary daily
         3. she's not hip enough and lives in Alabamy
d. skeet
e.  she doesn't remember


8. Her novel's got

a. Julie Browns on meth
b. the corporate takeover of the U.S.
c. a mama looking for her baby daddy
d. a sinister gasman named Fitzie with eyes like T.J. Eckleburg

e. all of the above; none of the above




*side effects may include: excessive thirst, excessive hunger, ennui, boredom, apathy, dipsomania, weakened eyesight, loss of inhibition, loss of control, loss of your wallet, loss of self-respect (if you're a strange man), increased appetite, existential crises, whooping cough, dry mouth, hair loss, hair growth on palms.