Saturday, June 5, 2010

Cock-blocked stalker, I am trying to apologize in Pizzicato 5 montage.

Oh Blog:

I have got news & rules for you! Well, really rules for me. & I will write to you like I'm writing to my ex-student/now friend who sent me a letter and I never got back to.  Cause I suck like that sometimes. If someone sends you a letter you should at least pretending you're writing to them in the first paragraph of your blog.

On to the second...

Sorry, JVM, I tried calling you & that has nothing to do with my rules...But when's your memoir coming out?

Rules:
1. Never enter another person's bender cause then you have to take it to a whole nother level: I love my friends/editors/fellow writers, Stacia M. Fleegal and Dan Nowak, so I won't say anything except buy chapbooks from Imaginary Friend Press http://www.imaginaryfriendpress.com/, and I now have a tramp-stamp bruise cause I was trying to catch up to you, bitches.

It was all me, trying to get higher, anyways...you saved me from the 78 year old coke fiend...

Luv ya!

2. Do not end your night at a bar whose motto is "home of the beautiful people." Or maybe the rule should be I should not end my night there cause it's an awesome bar and I've seen awesome things there I never would have seen anywhere else like a daytime whore stripping, someone trying to sell a carpet, someone getting their front teeth smashed out with a highball glass, a coke dealer just throwing coke origami out on the table, ferret-fighting, asbestos-huffing, magic carpet rides...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrOjRYfvKo0



This may be the bar; this may just be a simulacra; there were no ferrets fighting cause I'm not down with animal cruelty; this may be the bar where I made out with a bunch of guys after the ex-marine broke up with me and one of those guys followed me home:



"Now, the dive bar’s back to being a shithole. I’ve gone there looking for my ex-marine, but all I’ve seen are roaches scurrying over the Rose’s Lime Juice to get to something sweeter."

3. Do not eat a lot of fried food, even if it is vegan.
Nuf said.

4. Do not obsess over who was cock-blocking who or if he was a fixer-upper you never got to...

"I’d always wake up with my tongue stuck to the hard ridge of the top of my mouth. I’d always wake up and check to see who was in bed with me. It could have been anyone, but my girls kept me from some real doozies. They also kept me from the winners I think. A fair trade, I guess… bitches."

This has nothing to do with the guy who followed me home from the beautiful bar...twice.

Yours taking it a whole nother level from your bender,
Ry

P.S. All quotes from my story, "In the end, there will be koans written to my asshole," forthcoming in Cricket Online Review.

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