& i am trying so hard not to call myself mama too much + i am trying so hard not to steal pix from the interwebs x i am waiting on pix from a guy you don't know / the number of penis pix on my cell phone + my age - my salary + the # of times my heart has been brokenheartedness / the # of literary cool kids who've stopped by my blog x the turk's circumference - e. said's disapproval of what he thinks is mama's exoticism x the second the lit cool kids were here + the # of sweatbeads drip-dropped down mama's boot at mayhem x the # of heavy-metallers who head-banged & puked / by your dispapproval of mama / by your disapproval of mama's choice of words / by your dispapproval of mama's choice of words & the arrangings of them - mama's hatred of false humility
=
yo
+
for reals
+
yours foreverever (foreverever?)
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
These people are the nicey-nicest
I want to send big big heart things to the fab four writers who have written such nice things about Homegirl! : Stacia M. Fleegal, J.W. Wang, Dan Nowak, and Chloe Caldwell. They said such nice things; they make mama blush & drink the tanquerays & fan herself with one of those old-fashioned paper fans you get at a funeral except her fan is actually the pastor's boxers & you don't wanna know how mama got em...
Here are their nicer than nicey-nice words:
"In Homegirl!, Ryder Collins breaks every rule, pulls every punch. This isn’t your mother’s love story, though Homegirl and Collins alike are at their best when they show us their big bleeding hearts. Ryder Collins creates a character we quickly seethe with, ache for, and follow through the fog and darkness to whatever end."
- Stacia M. Fleegal, author of Versus and Anatomy of a Shape-Shifter, editor of Blood Lotus
"Raucous, sexy and full of verve, Homegirl! will spank you and punch you in your teeth and leave you longing for more. This is a wildly entertaining book and Homegirl's is a hypnotic voice."
- J.W. Wang, editor of Juked
"Ryder Collins' debut novel Homegirl! blasts onto the scene like a punk rock debutante. Collins shows readers what love looks like and what love should look like. This novel has an energy that makes the rest of us look like we're comatose."
- Dan Nowak, author of Recycle Suburbia and Of a Bed Frame
"Collins' innovative debut is provocative and intriguing. Full of candor and darkness, Homegirl! is a real parable of modern times. Collins makes an insightful statement into the evolution of relationships in the contemporary world. A gem of a read."
- Chloe Caldwell, author of Legs Get Led Astray
♥♥♥♥
Here are their nicer than nicey-nice words:
"In Homegirl!, Ryder Collins breaks every rule, pulls every punch. This isn’t your mother’s love story, though Homegirl and Collins alike are at their best when they show us their big bleeding hearts. Ryder Collins creates a character we quickly seethe with, ache for, and follow through the fog and darkness to whatever end."
- Stacia M. Fleegal, author of Versus and Anatomy of a Shape-Shifter, editor of Blood Lotus
"Raucous, sexy and full of verve, Homegirl! will spank you and punch you in your teeth and leave you longing for more. This is a wildly entertaining book and Homegirl's is a hypnotic voice."
- J.W. Wang, editor of Juked
"Ryder Collins' debut novel Homegirl! blasts onto the scene like a punk rock debutante. Collins shows readers what love looks like and what love should look like. This novel has an energy that makes the rest of us look like we're comatose."
- Dan Nowak, author of Recycle Suburbia and Of a Bed Frame
"Collins' innovative debut is provocative and intriguing. Full of candor and darkness, Homegirl! is a real parable of modern times. Collins makes an insightful statement into the evolution of relationships in the contemporary world. A gem of a read."
- Chloe Caldwell, author of Legs Get Led Astray
♥♥♥♥
Saturday, August 20, 2011
mama is too avant-garde,yo
7 mama's not gonna names & make it all bougy Flaubert's Madame Parrot & shit (& that "7" at the start of this should be an ampersand but mama's too avant-garde to change it , yo)... but mama's been told by some higher-ups somewheres in some kind of towers that her writing's too avant-garde for her to be the teacher of the short stories.
mama walks down staircases to get into her classes
as mama walks down staircases she fragm ents into woodeny slabs
these slabs do not slinky down; they rough-hewn their asses down
mama leaves avant-garde splinters in her wake she is so cubist, yo
mama really wanted to be a fauvist but robert smith took all the day-glo & he wouldn't let her on that bus
mama had to settle for the slow dignified shuffling of wooden cubes
mama wants to say somethings about trajectories: the inverse of MFA narrative arcs and shit but mama's still descending descending & there is no meaning to be found in a stairwell & there is no meaning to being found in wood
timber-limbs are heavy; mama's wooden-tired
wooden-graceful
she is the cubist ballerina she would pirouette if she had toes, yo.
mama walks down staircases to get into her classes
as mama walks down staircases she fragm ents into woodeny slabs
these slabs do not slinky down; they rough-hewn their asses down
mama leaves avant-garde splinters in her wake she is so cubist, yo
mama really wanted to be a fauvist but robert smith took all the day-glo & he wouldn't let her on that bus
mama had to settle for the slow dignified shuffling of wooden cubes
mama wants to say somethings about trajectories: the inverse of MFA narrative arcs and shit but mama's still descending descending & there is no meaning to be found in a stairwell & there is no meaning to being found in wood
timber-limbs are heavy; mama's wooden-tired
wooden-graceful
she is the cubist ballerina she would pirouette if she had toes, yo.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
who would like to blurb me?
yeah, that's most likely a euphemism, yo.
mama likes it when writers pretend they really care about all the other writers they know & i means all of them & they give shouts out to their 200+ writer friends & talk about what great writers all of them are when mama knows that most of them are dennis hoppering words like blue velvet elvis hotcakes.
whatever the fuck that means.
mama's just feeling guilty cos all these great lit mags - decomp, > kill author, fix it broken - have just dropped more babies & mama didn't even go to the shower or buy diapers or footy pajamas or butt cream let alone visit the maternity ward.
just remember mamas afraid of babies.
just remember mama has to drink the many manhattans to even be near a baby let alone touch their uncanny little fingernails or smell their sweet powdery nasty diaper+oldspit-up funk...
but mama will go to those babies & she will read their fresh pink skin. she will read their vulnerable limbs. she will hold them & offer them words. words like aw girls pissing & bitch saying & home girl fuck good & ninjas & sam elliot mustache
& that is no way to talk to a baby
so she will offer them better words like smash & gossamering & lemon dress & yea & verily, yo
mama will also check out barge when it drops its first... & not just cos mama's gonna be part of its second, but that's what's you're thinking...
mama knows. mama's not wearing pants & therefore she's wiser right now.
mama's legs are free & kicking up jigs & anarchists right now.
mama's been drinking the many of the bourbon highballs now. & mama's studying the small defense of a baby's yawn & the small hypocrisy of the fontanelle & the small ice sliver fingernails in her manhattan now & the maraschino juiced cherry fetuses floating floating...
yours in love,
ryder
mama likes it when writers pretend they really care about all the other writers they know & i means all of them & they give shouts out to their 200+ writer friends & talk about what great writers all of them are when mama knows that most of them are dennis hoppering words like blue velvet elvis hotcakes.
whatever the fuck that means.
mama's just feeling guilty cos all these great lit mags - decomp, > kill author, fix it broken - have just dropped more babies & mama didn't even go to the shower or buy diapers or footy pajamas or butt cream let alone visit the maternity ward.
just remember mamas afraid of babies.
just remember mama has to drink the many manhattans to even be near a baby let alone touch their uncanny little fingernails or smell their sweet powdery nasty diaper+oldspit-up funk...
but mama will go to those babies & she will read their fresh pink skin. she will read their vulnerable limbs. she will hold them & offer them words. words like aw girls pissing & bitch saying & home girl fuck good & ninjas & sam elliot mustache
& that is no way to talk to a baby
so she will offer them better words like smash & gossamering & lemon dress & yea & verily, yo
mama will also check out barge when it drops its first... & not just cos mama's gonna be part of its second, but that's what's you're thinking...
mama knows. mama's not wearing pants & therefore she's wiser right now.
mama's legs are free & kicking up jigs & anarchists right now.
mama's been drinking the many of the bourbon highballs now. & mama's studying the small defense of a baby's yawn & the small hypocrisy of the fontanelle & the small ice sliver fingernails in her manhattan now & the maraschino juiced cherry fetuses floating floating...
yours in love,
ryder
Saturday, August 6, 2011
this is how the southes make me feel
& everyone has to die...
which is why mama's not gonna be networking right now cos no one wants their name & death in the same goddamn sentence...
but mama loves y'all, yo...
okay, mama loves y'all some.
okay mama loves getting some.
yours,
ry
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
bitches better represent
mama wishes she were better at the networkings & the makings of friends
mama would be a good friend if she didn't always want to sleep with your boyfriend
or your girlfriends
mama says, bitches why you be fronting & not be hitting on me?
mama doesn't actually talk like that
mama's plans for the future include:
- writing another book
- learning how to one-arm pump a shotgun
- finding true love or at least someone she can stand to fuck every day
-1/2 sleeve (at least!) of tattoos
- owning her weird shit
-leaving bama for good & never coming back not even to travel through cos once the portal opens...
-finding something good to eat in her freezer she forgot about
- finding a book she left in the freezer she forgot about
- starting a fetish porn company called "Ladia"
- making you play guess the fetish
- wearing big boots
- collecting all the bobby pins she left in her trucker's bed
- doing heroin (& maybe they'll have even better drugs by then!) when she turns 80
- sitting on her porch with one arm shooting up and the other one-arm pumping the shotgun when she's 80, yo
- using exclamation marks cos they makes her jaded heart just a little less jaded
yo.
mama would be a good friend if she didn't always want to sleep with your boyfriend
or your girlfriends
mama says, bitches why you be fronting & not be hitting on me?
mama doesn't actually talk like that
mama's plans for the future include:
- writing another book
- learning how to one-arm pump a shotgun
- finding true love or at least someone she can stand to fuck every day
-1/2 sleeve (at least!) of tattoos
- owning her weird shit
-leaving bama for good & never coming back not even to travel through cos once the portal opens...
-finding something good to eat in her freezer she forgot about
- finding a book she left in the freezer she forgot about
- starting a fetish porn company called "Ladia"
- making you play guess the fetish
- wearing big boots
- collecting all the bobby pins she left in her trucker's bed
- doing heroin (& maybe they'll have even better drugs by then!) when she turns 80
- sitting on her porch with one arm shooting up and the other one-arm pumping the shotgun when she's 80, yo
- using exclamation marks cos they makes her jaded heart just a little less jaded
yo.
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