Saturday, August 21, 2010

Homegirl! is my girl

A piece of Homegirl!: Homegirl! just wants a piece; get it up for Homegirl!; another piece of Homegirl!'s up at Sleep. Snort. Fuck.

This ain't bragging...

I feel so bad for Homegirl!; I make not so nice things happen to her.

I want to protect her, but that nurturing thing musta skipped my DNA.

I want to protect her but then that protective feeling pisses me off and makes me want to do mean things to her, like sucker punching her or renting the apartment next to hers and blasting "The Trumpets Ole Play Instrumentals" at max volume or dressing up like a Mormon and bringing by pamphlets with transvestite porn mixed in and making her listen to a mash-up of Joseph Smith and lady-boys doing it (she'll be so confused and turned on), or stealing her boyfriend, or stealing her boyfriend and putting him in an anti-drug PSA, preferably one with a swimming pool or a drive thru and impending doom, and that PSA'll play every time she can't sleep cos of the Newlywed Game theme coming from next door where her ex and I are making whoopie all throughout the apt.

I think nice things are waiting for Homegirl, tho, in the end. Maybe.

Terminally ambivalently yours,

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