1) never shave in the shower with an electric razor with your eyes closed and/or without your glasses. mama somehow shaved off a line of pubes so then she had to shave part of her mound clean and then she didn't have time to shave for like three days cos she'd been kicked out of town again & on the lam and she met this trucker at a rest stop and he was all like, hey there northern girl, get in my cab and she was all like, only if you have cheez whiz to spread all over me and he was all like, of course and so she did and they fucked in the cab and it was hot & she was on top & her tits were jiggling jiggling niceynice but the whole time mama had this little thread of worry, in the back of her mind, behind her eyes closed and that overwhelming feeling of shuddering, which kept her from completely shuddering and crying, that her trucker was gonna shout out miami vice miami vice as he shot his load...
2) biz markie's "just a friend" is the hardest song to get out of your head ever. that is all.
3) make sure you know your foreign languages when you're speaking the dirty talks to your trucker: je te fumerai la tete is not the same as je te plumerai la tete; i will smoke your head's okay but i will pluck your head's so so wrong...
4) after mama left her trucker she was sad and she almost got on the cb to tell him but mama's cb's actually a highball glass of whiskey manhattan and her handle's a handle of maker's so mama couldn't really get the word out about how she felt & there's really no moral here at all; puritan america go suck it. mama'll eat maraschinos and watch...
5) nobody drinks mickey's big mouths anymore. it's a goddamn shame. there should be more mickeyslutting in the world today.
yours in green hot pants,
ryder
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